The Matzav Shmoooze: Shabbos Nachamu Hype


shabbos-nachamuDear readers,

I am amazed and perplexed by the common perception that there is some kind of “chiyuv” to go away forShabbos Nachamu. It has become an obligation of sorts for young couples and others to go away – somewhere, anywhere – for this Shabbos, the Shabbos after Tisha B’Av.

How this started I don’t know.

Why it started I don’t know.

It seems like people just have an urge to get up and go. And if you don’t go away? Oy va voy. You are a complete neb. Yep, a neb. After all, can’t you find some place other than your own home to spend Shabbos Nachamu? And if you are staying home, you better be hosting another family and be making a real “matzav.” I mean, this is Shabbos Nachamu after all.

And I won’t even get into Motzoei Shabbos Nachamu….

What’s up with all the Shabbos Nachamu hype?

Staying Home But Won’t Admit It


The Matzav Shmoooze is a regular feature on that allows all readers to share a thought or analysis, long or short, one sentence or several paragraphs long, on any topic, for readers to mull over and comment on. Email submissions to

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  1. I agree!!! The Meshugas comes from a misconception that there is an element of Nechama to this Shabbos already now. In reality the Navi is talking about the Nechama that will take place when Moshiach comes. “Nachamu…YOMAR Elokeichem” not “OMAR”. As far as I know, even though Tisha b’Av has passed, the Nechama is not yet here! There’s nothing to celebrate yet, unfortunately!

  2. It started by Halacha complient people who would NOT GO AWAY during the three weeks in order to spend some time mourning on the churban – as is brought down in Halacha.

    So now you have a three week backlog, plus the Nachamu week, of people who would like to go away during the hot summer days in NY.

    When so many people go to the same area the business people start thinking: Ahey, here is a great oppotunity to make some money. So it started and a fes years later it got out of hand and the rest is history.

  3. I couldn’t agree more! This is total insanity! It is not Torah Hashkafa! This is comparable to the masses going to Uman. Kllal Yisroel is oela regel to the Bais Hamikdash ONLY, not to stam shtusim! This is all part of the galus America crichen arayn in our mehalech hachaim! This has got to stop! Was there ANYTHING you learn’t from Tisha Be’Av! I will B”H be staying home right here in Flatbush, davening in my Shul, eating my wifes delicious food, going to my Shiurim, etc… I will be rested, relaxed, stress free, traffic free, hassle free, packing free, gasoline/toll free, etc… Good luck to all.

  4. While I agree that much of it is a meshugas and that it became a “thing’ to have to go away, I must second what #3 wrote regarding halacha compliant people. People enjoy going away for a Shabbos. So especially after three weeks of not going away, no shaving, swimming, music etc. people have the urge to go away for Shabbos Nachamu. In addition, don’t forget that for many people, Bein Hazmanim just begun and they didn’t have a chance to go away for a long time already (at least not for an extended weekend). Finally, I’d like to say, “Live and let live”! This should be our worst problem. Stay home, gezunterhayt (you nebach-case :))

  5. I am happy to say that my husband and I and kids will be staying home for Shobbos 🙂 we don’t need a hotel.. This is Galus, when will people realize that the true Geshmake Shobbos will be when Moshiach comes.. I’m really glad Baruch Hashem we don’t like going to hotels.. They are a waste of money..Family time at home to us is Mamish Gevaldig.. 🙂
    Have a wonderful Shobbos everyone 🙂

  6. Is this letter writer serious has he nothing better to complain about other than this. It is amazing how people these days cant fargin each other let them enjoy their vacation.This letter is highly reminiscent of a disturbing phenomenon that is occurring these days that if someone buys himself a nice new BMW everyone is all up in arms how dare he my grandmother got killed in the concentration camps my ….. but if someone pulls up in Volkswagen no one gives him a second glance, even though both are german made.I think it all comes down to the fact that if you cant afford it all of a sudden my grandmother…..wishing everybody a happy and healthy vacation

  7. Staying at home, having Bubby and Zaidy over, we will enjoy the peace and quiet in the neighborhood this Shabbos, what can be better than that!

  8. to #1
    look at Tiferes Shlomo, the first piece on Shabbos Nachamu, for a discussion of what you write and some very beautiful chizuk

  9. I agree with #11… In my years of observing ppl and their reactions, it is usually those who cannot afford XYZ who complain about others enjoying XYZ. All of a sudden, XYZ “is not a Jewish thing”. Yeah, right.
    It’s okay to not be able to afford a vacation. You are NOT a neb for staying home. But don’t be all holier-than-thou. Fargin those who choose to go away and MYOB.

  10. We’ve no problem staying home- hope it’s a happy, peaceful Shabbos for everyone. It is however a great opportunity for singles to travel and meet. We should create opportunities at home too. Have a Great Shabbos, whether home or away.

  11. Yup, let’s mind our own (respective) business(es). You could ask the same kasha on “Shver Shabbos” or “Shabbos Tischadesh”…sometimes these things just work out. (Shver Shabbos–one Shabbos when many yungeleit have their “shver” over. Shabbos Tischadeish–first shabbos back in yeshiva after Pesach Bein HaZmanim…”New suit? Tischadeish!”)

  12. Bottom line, it is business, it boils down to spending money. And money that many do not have to waste.

    The entertainers, the hotel owners the bungalow owners, caterers, etc will make it big this weekend. Elef havdolos it is like Labor Day, Memorial Day and July 4th. People think there is a chiuv to go away.

    What is wrong with the simple life as the previous generations lived.

    I remember a mussar shiur given by HaRav Avrohom Turin [now of Scranton] back in the 60’s. He said as follows,” It is about TIME you LOOK at LIFE as magazines and not a way of life”.

    We allow entertainers, magazines and peer pressure to dictate how we live

    Eimosei ad msei

  13. I would love to go away with the wife. I can’t afford it. I posted this the other day when Matzav was suggesting the perfect get-away with gourmet meals. They did not print it. I guess there is more to be embarrassed about not having the resources to go away than as the writer suggests to actually not go away. If anyone would like to sponsor me, I would definitely go.

  14. Please do not make light of a Minhog Kadosh B’Yisrael, which was started by K’doshei Elyon, especially Rabbeinu Shlomo Carlebach, whose custom was to make a large Kumzitz every year on Motzei Shabbos Nachamu. This is an established Minhag, which there is no room to argue with!

  15. #11:
    Sorry, I’d be just as offended by a Jew in a Volkswagon (although I rarely see that). It has nothing to do with how much money they spent, just with the fact that they are supporting the country that killed almost my entire family.

  16. There is something to all this “hype” as you call it. I heard from a great Rosh Yeshivah that the reason why there is such a simcha in Klal Yisroel on Shabbos Nachamu is because we, the people who observe and learn the Torah, have what it takes to ultimately rebuild the Beis Hamikdash.

  17. All you are so adorable! May this cultural problem be the worst thing that happens as long as people dont look down on each other for not doing it!

  18. Achai V’Re’ai:

    I did not have a chance to read the comments to see if anyone agrees with me, but I am just as amazed and perplexed why this writer must criticize.

    In the Yiddishe calendar, there are 3 weeks until Elul after Tisha B’av. I personally believe that it is not appropriate to take our summer vacations during the 3 Weeks. It is also not appropriate to think Elul only exists for Yeshivaleit. Therefore, after Tisha B’av is the time to get in a family vacation and take advantage of this special opportunity.

    I have always had a special excitement and hisorrerus from Shabbos Nachamu. I hope to move myself to cry on Tisha B’av sometime, and the fact that HKB”H gave us a Shabbos Nachamu is nothing less than His great love for His people. I like to take advantage of the hisorrerus it offers.

    Now, I have to go so I can prepare for our family vacation.

  19. Connection to the Beis Hamikdash is not just thru Aveilus and self denial.
    We also have the enjoyable Hillel sandwich at the Seder and Simchas Beis HaShoevah celebrations on Succos.

  20. It makes as much scence as shabbos chanuka.People make a big deal about that also.By the way,#24 you sound like you have big issues.


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