Rav Chaim: “Divorce Her!”


This past week, a man visited Rav Chaim Kanievsky at his home on Rechov Rashbam in Bnei Brak and explained that he is experiencing disharmony at home. “I don’t get along with my wife, we are continually squabbling, and I feel that I must divorce her.”

Before divorcing his wife, he explained, he wished to speak to Rav Chaim to get his advice. He shared some more specific details about his life and his marriage.

Rav Chaim listened to the man and responded, “It indeed sounds like you have no other choice. It seems that you have to get divorced.”

The Jew turned to leave, but Rav Chaim had more to say. “Remember, even to divorce is a mitzvah from the Torah. You have to fulfill this mitzvah with joy just like any other mitzvah. And perhaps this mitzvah will lead you to another mitzvah.”

The visitor asked to which mitzvah Rav Chaim was referring. Rav Chaim replied, “If you are not a kohein, then perhaps she will take the divorce to heart and change her ways, and you will want to take her back as your wife, in which case you will have the mitzvah of machzir grushaso, returning to your ex-wife.”

The man smiled and responded, “If so, that I would take her back, I might as well try to just stay with her now!”

“On the contrary! Do so!” said Rav Chaim, who blessed him with success.

{Matzav.com Israel News Bureau}


  1. Not chas vsholom to question the Godol Hdor shlita. I respectfully ask if someone can either ask or suggest what Mitzvah is there do remarry your divorced wife?

  2. Jose, it is appropriate to respectfully seek the source utilized by the Godol Hdor shlita. Best, is if someone can ask him. All Torah learning revolves around clarification of the source!

  3. Reverse psychology

    From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

    Reverse psychology is a technique involving the advocacy of a belief or behavior that is opposite to the one desired, with the expectation that this approach will encourage the subject of the persuasion to do what actually is desired: the opposite of what is suggested. This technique relies on the psychological phenomenon of reactance, in which a person has a negative emotional reaction to being persuaded, and thus chooses the option which is being advocated against. The one being manipulated is usually unaware of what is really going on.

  4. There is no clear source other then its a “inyan”.

    See Sefer Hachinuch:
    ספר החינוך (מצוה תקפ) : ‘שנמנענו מלהחזיר האשה אחר שגירשנוה ונשאת לאחר, ודוקא נשאת או נתארסה, אבל זנתה אחר שגרשה מותר להחזירה, ועל זה נאמר [דברים כ”ד, ד’], לא יוכל בעלה הראשון אשר שלחה לשוב לקחתה, וזה ידבר אחר שנשאת לאחר כמו שאמר תחלה והלכה והיתה לאיש אחר, דאילו קודם שתנשא מותר להחזירה, וגם ראוי לעשות כן אם אינה רשעה’, עכ”ל”

    I recall hearing once in the name of Rav Chaim Shlita that there is no Mitzvah.


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