R’ Shloime Lewenstein: Close-in-Age Shidduchim On the Rise


shidduchim1Since Matzav.com posted a letter from the gedolim earlier this week encouraging bochurim in the parsha of shidduchim to consider marrying a girl who is “older,” we have received tremendous feedback from readers, thanking and supporting Matzav for posting the important letter. We have also received a number of inquiries from readers who wished to know how much real progress has been made in this regard and how many close-in-age shidduchim are being made.

Rabbi Shloime Lewenstein, a renowned shadchan from Lakewood, NJ, was kind enough to share with Matzav.com his experience in this regard.

We’d be remiss if we did not first express Klal Yisroel‘s collective appreciation to Rabbi Moshe Pogrow of the NASI Initiative. Rabbi Pogrow has, l’sheim Shomayim, dedicated himself to raising awareness of the shidduch crisis, the importance of close-in-age shidduchim, and the view of rabbonim in addressing the matter.

The following is Rabbi Shloime Lewenstein’s response to the above letter from the gedolim and the effect that efforts to increase close-in-age shidduchim have had:

In the year ad a half since this letter was first published I have seen a tremendous change in the shidduch scene. Boys (and their parents) are much more willing to do shidduchim with girls their own age or even slightly older. Such readiness to date close in age has the potential to greatly alleviate was has become known as the shidduch crisis.

Mention must also be made of the wonderful NASI Project that is at the forefront of this movement and is committed to close the age gap and thus ease the crisis

Shloime Lewenstein

{Matzav.com Newscenter}


  1. Rabbi Pogrow is a true fighter for the cause of singles in our community.

    Rabbi Lewenstein is a great Shadchan who helps many, many singles every day.

    They should both be bentched with koach to continue in their Avodas Hakodesh!!

  2. R. Lewenstein receives over 100 phone calls A DAY.

    Oh by the way no one offers to do homework with his kids, give them baths, go shopping, help around the house etc. etc.

    Yes he does try his best. No he is not superhuman and he can’t possible redd shidduchim to every single girl.

    No he doesn’t only redd rich etc. He redds what he thinks is a good idea. Plain and Poshut.

  3. I have not seen an increase – I have always encountered boys, and their parents, who are happy to date girls close to their ages, or even slightly older.

  4. My Rav told me when I asked him about going out with older girls he said I should not and he gave me a logical reason why not to.

    Well I followed his advice all the way and declined anybody above my age.

    Hashem had other plans and I agreed to a date only to find out right before that she was almost 2 years older. I married her and it is 2 years later with 2 children Bli Ayin Horah. I feel that I have won the lottery everyday!

    Thank you Hashem! I personally advise everyone to think deeply about this. There are absolutely amazing girls out there who are not married due to not finding the right one but nothing has to do with them as an idividual. They are spectacular people. Do not distort the issue and see age as “something wrong”. 99.99999999% of the time EVERYTHING IS WONDERFUL AND RIGHT. Blessings to everyone! Have a wonderful Shabbos!

  5. I know for a fact how hard Rabbi Lewenstein cares and tries. He isn’t superman and he receives over 100 phone calls a day. It isn’t humuanly possible to service every single person.

  6. R’Lewnstien is a real tzaddik he tries to help everyone in shiduchim both the rich and the poor.May hakodosh b”h give him the strenth to continue this holy work.

  7. The men mentioned in this article are truly acting l’shem shamayim. My guess is that the professional shadchanim are now concentrating their limited energies on older young women, which is fine, but making it harder for younger young women (one to three years out of high school) who are mature and ready.

    I guess if it’s bashert for this latter group, they will still be getting married.

  8. Who cares?!

    Anyways, if you really want to know, when my parents got married, my father was 22 1/2, and my mother was 21.

  9. Either we encourage matches between similar age singles, or we realize that many older single girls will have no one to marry.

    Every 24 year old guy who dates and gets engaged to a 19, 20 or even 21 year old girl, leaves every 22, 23 or 24 year old girl with less of a chance to ever get married.

    We can either choose to ignore it, with idiotic reasoning, or be Rachmonim Bnai Rachmonim.


    • I came back early from e.y because of the shidduch crisis and but i also want a young girl, i was rejected by many girls and their parents for many invalid reasons, many of these girls got older and are now complaining about a “shidduch crisis” i feel that as a boy i gave these girls a chance and have now moved on the younger girls it is unfair to blame it on me that these girls are not getting married.

  10. Can someone come up with an idea of how to get in touch with Shadchanim who are willing to find Shidduchim for those girls who are serious to get married to a good Baal Midos (not Chassidish), whether he is working or learning. There are many attractive educated girls like that.

    At the moment, when calling Shadchanim, most say they have many more girls than boys, even working boys.

  11. What is the problem with Chassidish boys? This is not 20 years ago, Klal Yisroel is ‘mixing’. I know dozens of couples that ‘intermarried’. I read a story recently, b’kitzur said in Shomayim that they are extremely angry at how people think a shidduch that is recommended for them is ‘not matim’. I have many friends still single because they are living in a dream world. STOP DECIDING BEFORE MEETING!!! I think it would do some good to have some mixing between different ashkenazim. Think about it, everyone will feel the other side is really now part of their side — thus more achdus in klal yisroel.


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