I’ve been following the intense dialogue on Matzav.com regarding the shidduch crisis and the various solutions.
Let me get this straight. We currently have:
– Separate seating for weddings, all other simchos, and all community gatherings and events.
– Bochurim in yeshiva not allowed to eat Shabbos meals at homes where there is any above-bas mitzvah age girls in the house, even if the boy is related to the family.
– Girls are discouraged from expressing any individuality by wearing anything besides the “new normal” of tzniyus – all black clothing all the time, and nondescript hair styles.
– Girls are not allowed to attend post-high school courses or college.
– Dating must be done in a way that is totally private and through intermediaries who dictate every step of the way.
– The process clearly favors the boy, of any age, even if he is clueless, planless, and mediocre.
– Girls are “in shidduchim” or “in the parsha” merely by virtue of the date on their birth certificate, without any attention given to whether they have matured, have life or employment skills, or are otherwise “ready.”
– Bochurim are “in shidduchim” or “in the parsha” merely by virtue of the number of years since they finished mesivta, without any attention given to whether they have matured, have life or employment skills, or are otherwise “ready.”
– We have a system that caters to the elite, meyuchasim, the wealthy, or the size 2’s.
– Parents and Bais Yaakovs discourage the girls from doing anything to help themselves, and hishtadlus has been reduced to mothers answering the phone for their daughter and complaining when no one notices their daughter and the shadchan calls only once every 5 months.
– We live in a generation that represents a blatant historical departure from what was always considered to be acceptable…and the great solutions have boiled down to NASI and other throwing-money-at-the-problem fixes, narrowing the age gap, Tehillim at chupahs, Kupat Hair, and Amein parties.
Mi ke’amchah Yisroel!
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